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Disc-riding 24-year-old Nemo having made history last year as the first non-binary winner of Eurovision for “The Code,” yesterday the 69th edition of world’s largest, longest, and perhaps most anticipated/beloved music competition came back to the country where it was born and first won the contest (with the lovely old chestnut "Refrain"), in 1956.

Switzerland´s third largest city (pop. around 177,000). It must´ve been the most exciting thing to happen here since, well, possibly ever, what with thousands of hopped-up fans pouring into this laid-back “city of museums” from 90 countries. Pulling a TV audience estimated at around 164 million, as well as attracting a half million visitors not just to the event itself (St. Jakobshalle accommodates just over 12,000 and the overflow crowd at Arena plus football stadium numbering 30,000) but to the weeklong hoopla and roster of events surrounding it, the three-hour extravaganza was full of glitz, glamour, hoopla, and of course a hefty the usual Eurovision silliness.

On a personal note, although I haven't yet attended the Eurovision song contest in person, ever since I started traveling more extensively to Europe in 1977 – well before American Idol, The Voice, or The X Factor – it's always been a big deal for more than a few of my Old-World friends and acquaintances (not to mention the local media, omg). I´ve gotten to watch it a number of times surrounded by Europeans, and I must say, the enthusiasm generated by this reliably cheesy collection of crazy outfits, over-the-top antics, and sometimes downright goofy tunes (here's a 2023 piece about its most outrageous performances) can be kind of endearing. 

It's this sense of kitsch and camp – plus its welcoming ethos of inclusion – which has also earned it a huge following among much of the LGBTQ community in Europe and beyond (then of course there was those times that queer artists nabbed the top prize, such as in 2014, a decade before Nemo, when a bearded drag queen from Austria, Conchita Wurst, won for her operatic pop “Rise Like a Phoenix”), and a full two dozen years earlier, in 1998, when it went to “Diva,” sung in Hebrew by Israel’s trans Dana International – who these days would no doubt be stoned by the loony Orthodox back home. (On the other hand, for a more cynical - and no doubt realistic - take on Eurovision and “the gays,” check out this video).

At the same time, since the competition started 69 years ago, some memorable songs (and sometimes careers) have come out of Eurovision – perhaps my older favorites being the Spanish Basque group Mocedades with its luminous "Eres Tú" (1973); ABBA’s insanely catchy, career-launching "Waterloo" (1974); "La La La" by Spain’s Massiel (1968); "Un Banc, un Abre, une Rue" from Monaco’s Séverine (1971); and an Israeli pair, "Hallelujah" (1979) and "A-Ba-Ni-Bi" (1978). (Yes, Israel isn't Europe, but they’re here by virtue of being a member of the European Broadasting Union (EBU) and the Aussies have been invited since 2015 because they’re such Eurovision superfans.)

And since the arrival of the 21st century - apart from the trend since 1999 of too many songs in English even from non-English-speaking countries - of course other countries from the east have been included (even a couple which are marginally, if at all, "European"), including Albania, Armenia, Azerbaijan (hmmm), Belarus, Bulgaria, Croatia, Czechia/Czech Republic, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Montenegro, North Macedonia, Romania, Russia, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Turkey, and Ukraine. Plus of course Australia (yet not New Zealand) and Israel. A few of these have won, as well, including Azerbaijan, Estonia, Latvia, Russia, Serbia, and Ukraine (three times), although Russia got itself kicked out in 2021 because of its brutal invasion of Ukraine; Belarus also got the boot because of its support of Russia and because its own dictatorship was exploiting the contest as a propaganda tool; Turkey pulled out in 2013 and hasn’t yet returned because the Erdogan régime found it “too gay”, and ditto for Hungary since 2019).

Then there are the "Big Five," which are always included because they foot much of the Eurovision bill every year: France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and the United Kingdom (sort of like a musical United Nations Security Council, I guess, but without the veto?). This year there were 38 contestants, with Slovakia out since 2009; Bulgaria and North Macedonia since 2022, Romania since 2023, and Moldova taking a pass this year.


Eurovision Media Centre

This year, a rightwing Swiss party unsuccessfully tried to block public funding for the event because of Eurovision´s supposedly "woke agenda." And there was a resumption over last year´s controversy over Israel´s participation because of its genocide, massive destruction, and use of starvation in Gaza, with Iceland, Slovenia, and Spain among the countries questioning whether Israel should be booted like Russia was in 2022 for its own brutal invasion of and war crimes in Ukraine; there were demonstrations against Israel in Basel, but with lower turnout than last year (ironic, since the situation in Gaza is so very much worse and Israel´s crimes have become more obvious). And the EBU all but national flags being use by participants – effectively banned the gay rainbow flag (though fans were still allowed to use it, though – very magnanimous of them). And around town, the first “mascot” character appeared – a googly-eye grotesquerie called Lumo (now that I think about it, I´m surprised this hadn´t happened before).

Ok then, so "what the hell just happened" (to quote the UK´s act Remember Monday) in “Basie”?

The proceedings were hosted by three dynamic Swiss ladies: Swiss German Hazel Brugger is a 31-year-old comedian, slam poet, and cabaret artist with a deadpan demeanor (and I must say, a bit intense, even scary at times). Sandra Studer, 56, is a Zurich native and a familiar face as a presenter on Swiss TV who also nabbed fifth place for Switzerland at Eurovision 1991 in Rome (as Sandra Simó, singing "Canzone per Te"  in Italian). And 48-year-old Swiss-Italian Michelle Hunziker is an actress who´s also a well known TV presenter on various shows. There was no end of the usual hokey banter, along with an action-packed opening video showing the "race" to get the crystal microphone trophy to the arena in time (only to be nearly swiped by Nemo); an opening reprise of "The Code" by said Nemo in a weird, fuzzy white wig; a behind the scenes at the amazing stagehands who swap out sometimes elaborate sets in 35 seconds; a goofy infomercial style musical segment about all the stuff "made in Switzerland"; a mass singalong of "Waterloo" in the 30,000 spectactor overflow stadium; a moment of faintly disgusting tongue gymnastics; a reprise of several prominent past Swiss contestants; a faceoff" between a puffily attired Baby Lasagna (who finished second last year with "Rim Tim Tagi Dim") and Käärjiä (second in 2023 with "Cha Cha Cha"); and finally, a Nemo performance of a new song, "Unexplainable." in a pageboy wig and slinky, skimpy, spangly back outfit - kind of gave me vibes of Felix Frankenfurter (from Rocky Horror Picture Show). And unfortunately, a hoped-for live appearance by Céline Dion never materialized, so everyone had to be happy with a taped message from her during the semifinals.

It all added up to a massive, truly staggering feat of musical and theatrical production. And now on to the a (highly) opinionated look at the finals lineup - and by the way, I must say I loved that several more of the finalists were sung in their national languages (14, as against 11 out of 26 last year), and hope it becomes a growing trend.

And the Winner Was...

Austria: “Wasted Love” – JJ

Let´s go to the “popera!” A queer, pretty, half-Austrian/half-Filipino 24-year-old raised in Dubai and living in Vienna for the last nine years (and actually performing in roles at the Statsoper), Johannes Pietsch delivered  a moving English-language ballad in his ethereal, operatic counter-tenor (sounding like a female mezzo soprano, almost falsetto-like). In a long black coat and starkly lit in black and white, JJ played forlornly adrift in a ragged, storm-tossed little boat: “When you let me go,/I barely stayed afloat./I'm floatin' all alone./Still, I'm holdin' on to hope.” Then, “Now that you're gone,/Can't fill my heart/With wasted love,/This wasted love.” The pain of unrequited passion really punches through here powerfully, and the techno flourish at the end provides an exciting climax. (Parenthetically, in terms of power and vibe, I can see parallels to Nemo´s “The Code” but also reminds me a bit of  Australia´s 2022 entry “Not the Same¨ from Sheldon Riley, another queer half Filipino projecting a tragic vibe. And even more parenthetically,  apparently some idiots are confused by the similarity in the names of their respective countries in English, so make of all that what you will.) Not a wasted note here, and this is a wonderfully original melding of Austria´s classical music tradition with modern pop. From a showmanship point of view, though, this was very much made for TV, as I can´t imagine in that huge arena this intimiate little mise en scène looked like much for anyone except the folks right up front. “Wasted Love” had long been tipped as one of the favorites to win, and couldn´t be a more dramatic reversal of fortune after last year´s “We Will Rave” from Kaleen, at second to last. The last time Austria won was with another gay act, Cochita Wurst in 2014, and Joey is a very worthy successor indeed - and by the way he should at least send flowers to the guy who kicked him to the curb and inspired this song! 

And the Rest of the Roster (Plus One!):

Albania: "Zjerm" – Shkodra Elektronike

I admit I had a soft spot for Sqipëria after having very recently had a wonderful visit there, and  one of the places I visited was the country´s second largest city Shkodër, which is where the duo Shkodra Elektronike – comprised of Kolë Laca and Beatriçe Gjergji – originally hail (although they grew up as two of many Albanian immigrants in Italy). Zjerm means fire – specifically in Albania´s ancient pagan tradition – and symbolizes power as well as purification and renewal, and a link between tradition and change (which pretty much sums up where this country´s at in 2025, having just re-elected a progressive government focused on bringing it into the European Union). On a fiery red stage in a fiery, shimmery red dress (matching the national color), Beatriçe delivered a stirring, uplifting number that melds pop and electronica with traditional Albanian sounds and is very catchy and danceable even if you (like almost all of us) don´t understand the language. It addresses the challenges struggles faced by immigrants but really all of us in a tumultuous environment, emphasizing the importance of community and resilience. Sample lyrics: “I ended up underwater,/my mouth never went dry./Imagine a minute,/without soldiers,/without orphans,/with no bottles in the ocean./Petrol smells like lilac,/the freedom of speech/is taught in school.” Hmm, when “petrol smells like lilac”? OK then. Anyway, Albania didn’t make it into the finals last year (the last time it did so was in 2023 with “Duja”), but last night came in a respectable eighth (a huge  improvement on "Duja´s" unfairly abysmal 22nd place.

Armenia: “Survivor” – PARG

Scruffy, smoldering, cocky, and tattooed, 28-year-old Pargev Vardanian delivers one of the night´s only real all-out rocker all by his hunky shirtless lonesome on a stark, flashing techno-style stage with his only real prop a big-ass treadmill – on which he sprints athletically two or three times (no small feat while carrying a tune). And what was that stuff smeared all over his upper chest and shoulders - soot, maybe? Here´s a taste: “Kickin' me, breakin' me, but I won't stop./Pushin' me, pullin' me, I will get up./Hittin' me, mockin' me, stabbin' me, crushin' me,/Tearin' me, burnin' me, I'll never stop./I could have lost my way./I could have made mistakes./I bled a lot, more than you thought./But I didn't fade away.” Jeez, dude, sounds like somebody´s had a rough patch - if not a rough entire life. Well, the staging was original; it´s got an anthemic quality, for sure; and it´s quite a change of gears from last year´s energetically “ethnic” “Jako” (which didn´t fare at all well, coming in 19th), but while Parg survived, he finished even a spot lower, at number 20.

Australia: “Milkshake Man” – Go-Jo

This was the "plus one," which didn´t make the cut but I feel merits a mention on silliness value alone, which after all is a time-honored, even hallowed Eurovision tradition! Coming to us courtesy of mustachioed 29-year-old Marty Zambotto (stage name Go-Jo), it´s an double-entendre-packed pop romp. It´s slight but cute, and prancing around in front of a giant blender, into which he sends frumpy ladies and they emerge sleek hotties – Marty comes out with gems like “The shake is not a drink, it's a state of mind./It's a secret superpower you were born to find./Drink it every day and before you know/You'll be bigger and stronger with harder bones” and “I can tell you want a taste of the milkshake man!” Oh, and let´s not forget “When I say sweet sweet, you say yum yum!” Ah, Marty, we hardly knew ye.

Denmark: “Hallucination” – Sissal

Danmark finally made it back into the finals after six years, and sent zaftig blonde Sissal Jóhanna Norðberg Niclasen, 30, hailing from the Faroe Islands. Clad in a blue sort-of jumpsuit and thigh-high boots, and flanked by dancers in head-to-toe black, she used her great set of pipes to lay on us an upbeat bop in English reminiscent of Swedish two-time Eurovision winner Loreen, especially her 2023 winner “Tattoo.”  “Hallucination” deals with the the concept that falling in love can change someone´s long-held beliefs and way of seeing reality:  “You show me more, more than meets the eye./You open all the doors inside my mind./I see colours I never saw before./A thousand shades of light come to life.” Vulnerability, transformation, and exhilaration – it´s all here, without overwrought staging and wrapped up in an appealing pop package with a catchy hook. Sissal didn´t do well last night, though, coming in fourth to last (compared to Denmark´s last finalist 2019´s "Love Is Forever," at number 12).

Estonia: “Espresso Macchiato” – TOMM¥ €A$H (Tommy Cash)

Welp, here´s a goofy, “classically Eurovision” novelty number, sung in English and mangled Italian, served up by lank-haired 33-year-old Tomas Tammemets (also dubbed “Kanye East”), a former juvenile delinquent. Playing out in front of a "Winners Café," delivered partly in fractured pseudo Italian mock-operatic style, with goofy dance moods and flanked by a quartet of beefy, stone-faced dudes, "Expresso Macchiato" is basically a string of Italian stereotypes, including spaghetti, the mafia, and of course the titular java. I wasn´t at all surprised to read that some Italians were pissed off at the casual typecasting of their country and culture. And is it done with affection or mockery? Hard to tell, but I hope and assume the former. In any case, frankly, why Estonia chose this jokey trifle which has nothing to do with Estonia to represent it this year is anybody´s guess, but I did find it more listenable than last year´s unbearable (albeit at least sung-in-Estonian) “(Nendest) Narkootikumidest ei Tea me (Küll) Midagi,” which finished near the bottom of the pack. Anyway, making its Eurovision debut in 1994, Eesti has won just once, in 2001 with the also un-Estonian, funk-flavored “Everybody.” I thought for sure this wasn´t going to break its 24-year dry spell, but I didn´t expect it to finish so strong - number three, mamma mia!

Finland: “ICH KOMME” – Erika Vikman

Finland sports a very mixed record in Eurovision – and not infrequently a zany, even jokey  one (remember last year´s “No Rules!” as well as “Marry Me” from 2013, and of course the heavy-metal “Hard Rock Hallelujah,” by Lordi, which performed in monster drag and ended up garnering the country´s only win. The zaniness zoomed on last night with this 32-year-old´s electropop ode to orgasm (the song´s title – in German for some reason – of course means “I´m cumming”). Poured into shiny dominatrix leather, the blonde bombshell belts out in Finnish, “I am Erika, you're full of stamina./Hit mе once again, grab my ass,/And when you want more love, just shout, ´Encore.´/And, baby, I'm coming.”  After a relatively simple, straightforward staging, She climaxed by gliding into the air on a massive gold microphone that sprays sparks across the stage (yeah, subtle it wasn´t). Erika ended up postcoitally down 11 places on the final leaderboard, at least a fair bit better than number 19 for “No Rules!”

France: “maman” – Louane

Since debuting on the French version of The Voice in 2014, a vivacious 28-year-old (real name Anne Peichert) from Pas de Calais (up north) has become a bestselling artist as well as award-winning actress. And here, “Mom” is a ballad co-written by in a moving, heartfelt tribute to her mother, who died of cancer when Anne was 17. “From you I've kept everything that makes me who I am,” she sings. “I'm better now, I know where I'm going.” And perhaps the kicker: referring to her own daughter Esmée, “now I'm the one she calls “mom´” (and we even hear a snatch of the five-year-old´s voice adorably saying the word).

This tune, by the way, had probably the splashiest rollout of any Eurovision number in history, performed by Louane at halftime during a big rugby match between France and Scotland in the Paris area´s Stade de France, in which she was lowered onto the field on a platform In front of a crowd of 80,000. None of that was possible on this stage, of course, but what we saw last night was creative in its own right, if vastly scaled down: Louane singing in a pool of sand and at one point enveloped in in a swirls of the stuff falling from above (apparently it was cork, not actual sand), which was no doubt meant to evoke the sands of time. All that backstory notwithstanding, though it was one of the favorites going in, “maman” ended up seventh in the rankings, down from a strong fourth for “Mon Amour” last year.

Germany: “Baller” – Abor & Tynna

Abor (real name Attila Bornemisza, 27) and Tynna (Tünde Bornemisza, 25), a brother-and-sister act from Vienna with Hungarian parents, have come up with a nice if slightly generic bit of trance electronica about a relationship breakup, but with a confident, forward-looking vibe instead of weepy woe-is-me. The song´s title supposedly is slang for “shoot,” and Tynna says that in writing it she was inspired by the English expression “shoot for the stars,” with lyrics like “I shoot holes into the night./Stars fall and crash onto my roof./It still hurts a little when I see you again./But I'll never come back, no matter what you tell me.” With a huge boombox looming in the background, she prances around while bro Abor just sits - first in the front, then up in the back - sawing away at a glowing cello. Oooo-kay, then. Anyway, it´s a definite improvement over last year´s entry, “Always on the Run” from schlubby sad-sack Isaak, and I especially like the fact that unlike that one it´s in German – a first for the country´s Eurovision entries in a whopping 18 years. But despite shooting for the stars, the sibs scored a 15 – a comedown over Isaak´s 12th place last year, although I liked this better.

Greece: “Asteromáta” - Klavdia

Asteromáta (αστερομάτα) means “starry-eyed girl” in Greek – and is a traditional expression used to describe females with radiant, striking eyes. This haunting ballad from bespectacled 22-year-old Klavdia Papadopoulou uses that image as a powerful symbol of love, longing, and the emotional connection between daughter and mother as well as migrants with their distant homelands (especially relevant in a world where migration has become a huge issue and flashpoint). To whit:  “My sweet mama, don't you cry/even if they put black clothes on you./My faded body is not/defeated by the flames./The swallows of fire,/even if they cross the seas,/they never forget/the soil of their roots.” The tune is haunting as well, a melding of traditional Greek musical tradition (especially one called Pontic Greek, originating from the culture that developed in a Hellenic-colonized region of what is today northwestern Turkey). And the staging is relatively simple yet dramatic: Klavdia stands on a desolate pier, clad in black, then the screen behind her starts displaying psychedelic imagery including a blazing tree and swirling stars. A mother figure in braids makes a brief appearances. Then suddenly at the end the imagery goes white and so does her dress (how´d she do that??). The juries and televote rewarded this amazing young lady with sixth place, a good sight better than 11th for Marina Satti´s more upbeat and danceable “Zari” last year.

 
Iceland: “Róa” – Væb

Væb (meaning “vibe”) is made up of revved-up blond twink brothers Hálfdán Helgi Matthíasson and Matthías Davíd Matthíasson (22 and 21 respectively). Compared by many to the Irish identical-twin-brother act Jedward (who came in eighth at Eurovision in 2011 with “Lipstick”) and decked out in flashy silver-spangled shades and matching silver outfits, Hafdan and Matthías belt out energetic, infectious rock-meets-electronica-meets-sea shanty – in Icelandic – about rowing to the Faroe Islands (seems a bit random, but alrighty, then!). But the message is perhaps a larger one about perseverance no matter what: “Row here, row there./Rowing through the waves./There is nothing that can stop me now.” Perky and pixie-like, the boys are flanked by fiddle players also in in head-to-toe silver and backed by martime-themed Minecraft-style imagery. A lot of sensory imput here, and certainly super-high-energy fun albeit a bit repetitive. And it ended up rowing to second to last place – even worse than Iceland´s last finalist, the resoundingly low-energy sister-act acoustic "Med Hækkandi Sól," third to last in 2023. I thought it deserved better, but what do I know.

Israel: “New Day Will Rise” – Yuval Raphael

Another year of genocide, ethnic cleansing, deliberate mass starvation in Gaza, and still a hypocritically unejected Israel has been doing quite well at Eurovision. This time it´s the turn of a 24-year-old survivor – one of just 11 – of the brutal October 7, 2023 Hamas attack on a desert music festival that killed nearly 1,200 and took 251 hostages. Horrific, to be sure, but first-time singer Yuval still was dogged by protests against her country’s even more horrific overreaction (though apparently not to the same degree as her 2024 predecessor Eden Golan). Anyway, her mostly low-key piano ballad, smoothly sung in a mix of English, French, and Hebrew from a raised crystal platform, with gushing water on the screen behind her and punctuated with showers of falling sparks. The lyrics clearly speak to that traumatic event in an optimistic way: “New day will rise,/Life will go on./Everyone cries./Don’t cry alone./Darkness will fade./All the pain will go by./But we will stay/Even if you say goodbye.” Apart from lazy and awkward-sounding grammar (songwriter Keren Peles couldn´t be bothered to write, “A new day will rise,” really?). Nice sentiments, but what about the still hideously suffering millions of innocent Palestinians have yet to see that glowing “new day”? Spare me. But even politics aside, musically and lyrically I found it tepid, trite, and overall mediocre. Yet compared to last year´s “Hurricane,” which came in fifth, this one actually rose to second thanks to by far the most televote points, a whopping 297 - and was just narrowly edged out by "Wasted Love" (the "near miss" of my title). WTF televoters??

Italy: “Volevo Essere un Duro” – Lucio Corsi

Sitting at a piano, then hoisting a guitar, in pasty whiteface and chunky high heels, this 31-year-old glam rock singer-songwriter – who came fairly recently out of obscurity but these days dominates Italy´s Spotify charts – delivers “I Wanted to Be a Tough Guy,” a solid, melodic pop number with lines like “I wasn't born with a tough face./I'm even afraid of the dark./If I get into a fight, I get beaten up./So they paint my eyes black./But I’ve never wasted time./It's time that has left me behind.” I get and appreciate the important message about male vulnerability, but musically I found it a bit ho-hum. And in fact, Corsi came in second in February´s San Remo song contest, but ended up with the Eurovision gig when winner Olly inexplicably backed out. Too bad, because Olly´s also melodic but IMHO more memorable “Balorda Nostalgia” might well have done better last night than Lucio´s fifth  place (compared to last year´s number seven for “La Noia” from Angelina Mango). But we´ll never know, will we?

Latvia: “Bur Man Laimi” – Tautumeitas

Made up of six young women (and their group´s name in fact means “young woman”), this  decade-old folk/world music ensemble draws on Latvian musical traditions (especially wedding songs) to channel good energy and wax gorgeously melodic in the Latvian-language “Bring Me Happiness,” evoking benign spirits and fairies from their national folklore. Clad in gold bodysuits and glowing headgear against a shimmering curtain, they´re reminiscent of sylvan wood nymphs, and sing “Summon, summon, summon, summon./Cannot ruin me,” and compare their “bridge of oak” to others´ “bridges of copper”: “The bridge of copper corroded./The oaken one came into leaf.” With its beautiful tunefulness and harmonies, “Bur Man Laimi” reminds me of Enya, whom I love. Latvija has won once, with “I Wanna” in 2002 and finished 16th last year with “Hollow” from a fit bald dude; last night the juries and televote did the oak-bridge gals a bit better, with a ranking of 13.

Lithuania: “Tayo Akys” – Katarsis

Rounding out last night´s trifecta of Baltic countries, which all made the finals, “Your Eyes” comes from an alt-rock band of four twentysomething guys and one gal, fronted by deadpan, 23-year-old vocalist/guitarist Lukas Radzevičius. It’s clearly something of an experiment on the part of this country; clad in baggy, dull blue outfits (reminiscent of straitjackets IMHO), bathed in moody, broody blue lighting, and backed by apocalyptic onscreen imagery, Lukas came at us in Latvian with, “Your eyes see pain” and “Empty words only fuel the fire./The houses are burning, they start to collapse./From her eyes, the greatest downpour./The foundations of everything have already begun to rot.” An emo downer if I´ve ever heard one, but sadly, pretty damn â propos for the downward spiral of our tumultuous times – and if this is what people so young think, it´s pretty depressing. In any case, Lietuva  hasn´t clinched a win in its 25 years of participation, and last year´s Lutelk” from cute gay boy Silvester Belt bagged 14th place; this time out, the emo gang did Silvester didn´t even make it that far, coming in 16th - better than I thought it deserved actually. Maybe next year something a bit more upbeat? Just saying…

Luxembourg: “La Poupée Monte le Son” – Laura Thorn

Sixty years ago, the grand duchy won with French 18-year-old France Gall chirping Serge Gainsbourg´s classic, catchy “Poupée de Cire, Poupée de Son,” the first pop song to win the contest, and one of five wins for Luxembourg over the course of its 39 Eurovision outings). And now here came “The Doll Pumps Up the Volume” from a native Luxembourger, 25. Rejecting her predecessor´s naïveté and passivity – waiting around for boys to notice her – this independent bitch (as my birth mom memorably christened herself) was dolled up on stage in a doll-like, pale-pink-silk outfit with a huge, mod, stylized dollhouse projected behind her (and France Gall on the boob tube in one of its rooms, by the way). But in her peppy pop bop Laura issued a stern warning to clueless bros: “If you think that a man like you is manipulating me,/Go back to your mom, you better give up/Or else it'll be me who'll dismantle you./Watch yourself, beware,/'Cause I'm taking the controls.” Ballsy Barbie – you go, gurl! On the other hand, she sure must seem a pretty intimidating hill to climb to most guys (plus it seemed an odd choice to have all her backup dancers be male, unless maybe it was to show them dancing to her tune). I liked Poupée better than Malta´s energetic but somewhat generic “Fighter” in 2024, but the juries and televoters didn´t, putting Laura in 23rd place, a big comedown from last year´s 14th. (By the way, our doll of death came on second in the running order – which for some reason is known as the “death slot,” meaning no country doing so has ever won – and sure enough.)

Malta: “Serving” – Miriana Conte

Framed by a pair of enormous, lasciviously gaping lips, 24-year-old queer Maltese Miriana was the other overtly sexualized act tonight besides “ICH KOMME” (since Australia´s jizzy “Milkshake Man” shot its wad in the the semifinals).  Originally the title and chorus involved the word kant, which is Maltese for “singing,” and not so different from the Italian and Spanish canto and French chante. But of course it´s pronounced very much like the English “cunt” – and the phrase “serving cunt” is drag slang for acting feminine – and fiercely so. Buuuut the prissy EBU forced her to drop that idea because bad word – thereby generating even more controversy and press than she might have otherwise gotten) – so instead in the chorus while she had to sing “serving (ahh)” while getting the audience to shout “kant!). More from this throbbing club banger: “Why should we let other people decide/When we could be havin' the time of our lives?/Let down your walls, come and dance to my vibe./I do it all the time, yeah, I do it all the time.” As for the screen imagery, I´m not sure what the cherries and cheetahs were supposed to mean, but whatever, this was a fun and cheeky tribute to living life on your own terms, honey. And what did the juries and televoters serve up for her? Number 17, way down from seventh for Malta´s last finalist, “Je Me Casse,” sung by Maltese-Nigerian Destiny Chukunyere in 2021.

Netherlands: “C´est la Vie” – Claude

Handsome, personable 21-year-old Claude Kiambe has quite a life story: born in the Democratic Republic of Congo; brought to the Netherlands at the age of nine by his mother, fleeing the bloody civil war there which has claimed the lives of millions; and falling in love with Eurovision while waiting at a refugee center. “That´s Life,” a warm,  sweet, upbeat mix of chanson and pop sung in French (the DRC´s official language) and English is a tribute to her, who taught her son optimism, and features lyrics like “C'est la vie, et quel miracle./Sometimes in love, sometimes miserable./And I still hear my mama's voice inside of me./La mélodie, la mélodie.” The staging is for the most part refreshingly simple, with two backup dancers and a trio of violinists, and the song itself is catchy and likeable. But for all its melodiousness and feelgood appeal, it´s repetitive and lacks a certain depth (Even last year´s “Europapa” was more interesting, in my opinion, even if not my cup of tea). Plus I get that he sings in French because it´s the main language of his birth country, but it seems out of place in a Dtuch entry. All that said, I can certainly see Claude going places in the future. Anyway, in the end, the televoters and juries were more generous, giving “C´est la Vie” a solid 12th place.

Norway: “Lighter” – Kyle Alessando

Another cancer-inspired uplifter comes from 19-year-old Kyle (his un-Norwegian last name courtesy of a Spanish father), whose mother was diagnosed two years ago. Thankfully, it´s now behind her, and this English-language song was inspired by something she told him during this tough time for their family: "Never lose your light." Kyle took that phrase and turned it into a techno-flavored, perhaps a bit dated pop tune about overcoming adversity, although the song´s title sounds is a coinage that a little forced, clunky, and cringe in English. A sample of the lyrics: “Somewhere along the way, I lost my might./I had to walk a hundred thousand miles./I'm not afraid to set it all on fire./I won't fall again, I'll be my own lighter.” Clad in a armorlike silver-and-black, very Game-of-Thrones outfit, Kyle delivers a solid, confident performance, with dynamic dance moves bracketed by the requisite flames and fireballs. But I found it a disappointment after last year´s entry “Ulveham” and 2023´s “Queen of Kings,” and it wasn´t a good prospect to end Norway´s 16-year dry spell since its last Eurovision win with Fairytale. Coming in 18th, “Lighter” did however far outdo the extremely unfair last place finish of “Ulvaham.” But hopefully Norge can do better next year!

Poland: “Gaja” - Justyna Steczkowska

Polska´s record at Eurovision since it started competing in 1994 ain´t  exactly been stellar, to say the least; a number of years – including in ´24 – its entries even failed to qualify at all, and it´s never won (though came close that first year with “To Nie Ja!"). This time around, second-time contestant Justyna is a raven-haired 52-year-old (along with San Marino´s Gabry Ponte the oldest on last night's roster, but quite the cougar) who laid on us an intense, driving pop anthem in Polish named “Gaia” for Mother Earth: “My name is Gaia./I’m a god,/A force./My mother is love./When I cry,/The world drowns in tears./I cradle lost time in my arms.¨ And it comes with the strong suggestion that Gaia is hurting from the depradations of humankind.

As for the staging, it was mega-theatrical, even borderline hysterical, with Justyna running around clad in a tight leather body suit (holy sh*t, at 52 she´s got the figure of a 22-year-old); cranking out a furious violin solo; holding a note for longer than most of us ever could; and getting hoisted up in the air with a pair of ropes (that one seemed especially gratuitous), all the while flanked by similarly beleathered dancers, and backed by swirling, flashing meteorological and planetary imagery along with whooshing flames, and even at one point a fire-spewing, totally Game-of-Thrones-like dragon on the screen behind. Oh, and she threw in an ancient Slavic magical chant on said screen ancient Slavic mystical chants meant to bring health, strength, positive energy, and other good stuff. Man, I was exhausted just trying to take it all in, and this furious explosion of overstimulation made her last predecessor Blanka´s already pretty peppy “Solo” two years ago look like a snoozy lullaby. And while that rather generic outing netted Poland 19th place, Justyna, her dragon, and violin came away with 14 (and just 17 televote points). How´re they gonna top this in ´26, I do wonder.

Portugal: ¨Deslocado¨ – Napa

Five-man indie pop/rock band Napa, fronted by bespectacled lead singer and guitarist João Guilherme Gomes, hails from the beautiful island of Madeira, and the soulful “Out of Place,” is about feeling ill at ease in the big city and their saudade (nostalgic longing, a very common theme in Portuguese music) to return to their home after being forced to leave to seek economic opportunities in mainland Portugal: “No matter how it may seem,/I’ll never belong/To that city,/The sea of people,/The different sun,/The pile of concrete./It doesn’t bring out anything in me./It doesn’t feel like home.”  With simple, tasteful staging, “Deslocado” starts out as a gentle ballad, then shifts into melodic pop with a great beat, while still retaining its sweet, gentle, and soulful quality. And the heartbreaking homesickness of which it speaks is very relatable, especially in this tumultuous day and age with migration becoming increasingly common. One observer compared the song´s vibe to “local pub open-mic night” and there´s some truth to that, but its intimacy, authenticity,  and very lack of pretension can also be construed as its strengths, a dinghy of calm floating in a sea of mostly brash flash from the rest of the field. But sadly, not strong enough to crack the top ten last night, in just 21st place (a letdown after last year´s “Grito,” which came in at 10).

San Marino: “Tutta l´Italia” – Gabry Ponte

This tiny, historic little hilltop republic (population around 34,000) jutting up out of northern Italy´s Emilia Romagna region has been coming to Eurovision since 2008 but has made the finals just three times, most recently back in 2021 with “Adrenalina,” which finished near the bottom of the pack. You might wonder how a place so small could come up with enough talent to field contestants every year. The answer is, of course, that it can´t, so most in the past have been Italians and even non Italians (including artists from Malta, Spain, Turkey, and the USA). This time it´s a dude (and another oldster, at 52) from Turin, parked behind a DJ station, flanked by oddly black-masked dancers as he belts out a driving, traditional-accordion-tinged dance track – in Italian, of course – about “All of Italy,” including its soccer, wine, fashion industry, architecture, food, and art (especially Michelangelo´s David (cheekily pictured on the screen behind him chewing bubble gum) and his Vetruvian Man, with a lyrics callout to La Gioconda (aka the Mona Lisa). A sampling: “The football gets kicked./The fashion makes rags./Starred kitchen of leftovers blessed holy Craxi./And so many coins./But the desires are of others/With the gold necklaces over the tank tops./The blue car with flashing lights./Forward people, forward!” And last night this gimmicky piece of business turned out to be the biggest stinker of the night, in last place and with zero televoter points. Hey!

Spain: “Esa Diva” – Melody

Living in Spain, I naturally have a soft spot for my adopted country, which hasn´t won Eurovision since 1969 (“Vivo Cantando” – now cringy, but so was almost everything back then), though it did come in tantalizingly close third place in three years ago with Cuban-born Chanel´s “Slo Mo.” After giving 54-year-old cougar Mery Bas of Nebulossa a try last year with “Zorra” (and bombing at fourth-to-last place), this time around we´re back to hot young(ish) women – specifically 25-year pop-music-industry vet Melody (aka Melodía Ruiz Gutiérrez), age 34 and hailing from a small city near Seville.  “That Diva” is yet another gurl power anthem by way of a pumping house track with a sprinkling of flamenco guitar - this time celebrating the “diva” qualities of the everyday woman, “a mere mortal”: for example, “the mother who wakes up early¨and “the artist without a label.” Given the reality of most women´s actual lives and the glamour of the pop star singing about them while being a world away from them, it´s debatable whether this message is admirable or condescending. But in any case, its hook I found one of the catchiest in the contest: “A diva is brave, powerful/Her life is a garden filled with thorns and roses./She comes back dancing/With more force than a hurricane./You´ll see, that diva is me.” What´s more, her performance was feverish in that clichéd over the top Eurovision way. A memorable tune, performance, and message, it did even worse than "Zorra," at third to last. Very unfair, I would say! (And by the way maybe next year the folks at Benidormfest, the national contest that chooses Spain´s entries, might give a dude a chance again for the first time in five years? Just sayin´.)

Sweden: “Bara Bada Bastu" - KAJ

Many people don´t realize that Swedish is the mother tongue of more than a quarter million people in Finland, and so it comes to be that this comedy trio of 32-year-old guys from Finland´s majority-Swedish Ostrobothnia region – named Axel Åhman, Kevin Holmström, and Jakob Norrgård, the group´s name an acronym of their first names – won Sweden´s Melodifestivalen 2025 to represent the country here despite not being actual Swedes. Anyhoo, this dance pop number – finally in actual Swedish after a couple of dozen straight years of national entries in English was definitely a refreshing standout amid the usual electronica, ballads, and the like that we see every year.  “Just Take a Sauna” is a straightforward paen to that most Scandinavian of institutions. To whit: “We're gonna have a sauna, sauna, steam up and let go of all stress today./Sauna brothers, we're the ones who glow, hundred degrees, well then./Just having a sauna, sauna, throw on so that the sweat just whirls around.” A very simple message, catchy, quirky, and danceable for sure, with a woodsy staging and certainly quite a switch from the sensibility (and certainly staging) of Loreen´s 2023 winner “Tattoo” and last year´s “Unforgettable” from Marcus and Martinus (who by the way also aren´t Swedish, and placed nineth). I did wonder, however, how that one male backup dancer kept his towels on with all that writhing around. So how did our boys do last night for Eurovision´s most winning country (along with Ireland)? They were the act most tipped by bookmakers to win, but in the end came away with a pretty strong fourth place.

Switzerland : “Voyage” - Zoë Më

As last year´s winner (for the third time in the contest´s history) and this year´s host country, die Schweiz/la Suisse/Svizzera automatically qualified for the finals, and the pale 24-year-the 24-year-old Basel native Zoë Anina Kressler also co-wrote this highly understated French-language ballad that´s quite a departure from Nemo´s “The Code” which won last year. It´s a gentle, poetic, delicate number (in which even Zoë describes herself as “naïve”) that was a welcome respite of calm in an otherwise practically relentless musical sea of bombastic and overwrought (OK, except maybe for Portugal), and the staging was elegantly spare as well - probably the simplest of the night - with the chanteuse in a simple black frock. Lines include, “My candid eyes discover the world/In a naive way that confounds/The demons of the night” and “Let me love you even if you don't./I'll drown in your tears,/I'll share your melancholy./You eat me up with your gaze./No matter what I'll never stop/Singing to you.” I did wonder if “Voyage” was too slight to make enough of an impression last night, but in the end it came in 10th – not bad at all.

Ukraine: “Bird of Pray” – Ziferblat

Even despite Russia´s brutal war of aggression against their country, Ukraina´s music  artists keep soldiering on – and manage to send consistently great entries to Eurovision. This latest,  from a three-man group (named after a café in Kyiv) comprised of waify 17-year-old bleached-blond vocalist Daniil Leshchynskyi, his fraternal twin brother Valentyn on guitar, and drummer Fedir Khodakov. Onstage with a pulsing pink blob behind them, Daniil clad in a tight, mod pink outfit, with a quartet of ethereal-voiced female backup singers behind him, the guys cranked out a powerful tune in Ukrainian and English that they describe as “prog rock” and “art rock,” as well as harking back to traditional Ukrainian tonalities and a particularly 1970s genre in their country known as “wasati funk.” No fancy dance moves or visual onscreen onslaughts – just a straightforward, energetic message extolling home, hope, and peace: “Fly, bird./I'm begging you, begging you,/Please just live, share my heart with someone who cares/Of me and my little bird of pray.” “Bird of Pray” did end up winging its way into the top ten, with the number-nine spot (compared to third place last year for “Teresa & Maria”), but it´s a solid and distinctive effort.

United Kingdom: “What the Hell Just Happened?” – Remember Monday

Quite a switch in gears from the Brits after last year´s “Dizzy” from Olly Alexander, with a staging resembling a gay orgy in outer space and ended up . Call this one “wholesome naughty,” maybe? All 30 years old and gal pals since meeting at school in 2013, Lauren Byrne, Holly-Anne Hull, and Charlotte Steele also have plenty of experience touring music festivals and appearing in West End musicals. Here in front of a crashed chandelier they bopped through a bouncy number – with lots of key and tempo changes – billed as “country pop.” It energetically describes waking up after a girls´-night-out bender: “Broke a heel, lost my keys, scraped my knee/When I fell from the chandelier./Oh what a night - I don't mind, it was time/To unwind and I volunteered”  - though I must say recommending jumping into a pool from a roof rather than the intended cheeky/cute sounds like a recipe for ending up a parapalegic or worse. Anyway, among the pluses here are beautiful harmonies, a feel-good vibe, and catchy melody (and even in a cheerful major key for a change – another standout among the minor-key majority, and supposedly by design). Gurl power in a fun and superficial way – hey, why not? – but it availed them little, landing them in 19 (and just as with "Dizzy" last year, with zero televoters). Back to the drawing board, Brits!

Well, that´s a turquoise wrap – see you next year in (probably) Vienna - which depending on how things stand at that point with the country´s highest vote-getter, the far-right, anti-gay and anti-trans FPÖ (the ironically named "Freedom Party of Austria") could get stickier than a gooey concoction from the Milkshake Man! So stay tuned...

To watch (or rewatch) the entire broadcast, click here. And if you care to have a look at my previous Eurovision reviews on Tripatini:

Malmö 2024
Liverpool 2023
Turin 2022
Malmo 2013
Baku 2012