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Comments
Nancy,
I'm horrified and saddened to hear about your grandson. It's beyond my comprenhension and I'm so very, very sorry for your family.
(no obligation to reply. i know you'll see this)
@Edie Jarolim - "I figure if someone is setting up a business, which a magazine is, they need backers, not writers to subsidize them unless those writers are getting shares in the business."
I so agree. Who told anyone that writers are the Patron Saints of Startups, pray to us and we'll miraculously give you a handout? If you want to start a relationship, if you want to start a business, if you want to start a magazine, then don't shortchange the lifeblood of the enterprise which is the words that give that magazine the substance. It's really as simple as that. Personally I don't pay attention to these people when they stonewall about their rates. If they have the capital to go to the printer - and how much is that for a run of around 50,000, say about $15,000 they did manage to come up with already? - then they should have figured out where they can get another lousy $1,000 - $2,000 to pay a very low but at least token amount to contributors. Otherwise, go and panhandle outside a community college English class - but psst... even Gen Y will ask for the....$$$.
I've considered putting together a book about it all. More than anything, I had the hardest time wrapping my head around the "Why?"
My husband and I are firmly middle class, our kids are educated and well-employed and we rather shielded them from the harshness of the world. At the risk of sounding outrageous (and I AM utilizing cliches when I say the following), we don't live in a trailer park, we barely drink, we are both college educated and raised our kids to have pride in themselves and to work towards changing their piece of the world.
What I learned from it was, evil manages to find you no matter what.
I approached an editor about a compilation of stories like ours to show it can happen to anyone and they came back with, "This is too horrible. Not only no, but HELL NO."
The "Why" is the hardest. Any other time, you wake up, take a deep breath and move forward.
Nancy, I too have been dealing with a death, but it was closer to the natural progression of the lifecycle. Murder is beyond my comprehension. I don't know how you deal with it. A diary maybe, and since we're writers, it could be a book to help others who have to suffer such an unfathomable thing.
As for friends, people use the word too loosely. Just being able to match a name with a face isn't friendship. I find I just don't have the energy to deal with my friends. I've cut it down to two. Mostly I want quiet and solitude. And much of what the world cares about doesn't interest me.
Thanks, Allan. People wonder all the time why I don't write like I used to do and it's really kind of hard to work into a conversation. People really don't expect to hear it... (The hardest part is the man who killed him STILL hasn't entered a plea, receiving a great deal more justice than he gave a two year old little boy)
Friends I haven't seen or heard from in months will always start with, "How are you" and it seems rather lame to say, "Oh, not great - my grandson was murdered". It's kind of a show stopper!
I would imagine I'll get back to my life eventually. It's just that right now, I really haven't felt like it.